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# Episode 105 **Summary:** In Episode #105 chats with [Tripp Lanier](http://thenewmanlife.com/) men’s coach and creator of _The New Man Podcast._ During their conversation, Tripp and Ari discuss the common pitfalls facing the average man, our unhealthy willingness to “tolerate,” and the unbelievable power of “no”.
**Time Stamped Show Notes:**
– 19:48 – Ari introduces his guest, Tripp Lanier
– 20:42 – How Tripp became a men’s coach
– 21:49 – Having conversations that change people’s lives is at the core of everything Tripp does
– 23:00 – Continue to learn and continue to be coached
– 23:50 – Why specifically a men’s coach, as opposed to being a women’s coach as well?
– 25:00 – The two men Tripp deals with most:
– 25:18 – Men that have found success but not happiness
– 26:12 – Men that have relationship questions and concerns
– 28:00 – Many problems or issues are simply rooted in communication
– 28:20 – How much of your world dedicated to pleasing other people, to not letting them down?
– 29:00 – Where are you _tolerating _things?
– 29:18 – Are you engaging in relationships out of fear a fear based placed or because it’s actually important?
– 29:40 – People are too afraid that their relationships can’t survive healthy conflict
– 31:00 – What is the main fear in the average man?
– 32:10 – Men usually set up their lives to avoid conflict
– 32:30 – Listening to language is the key to getting someone to avoid their fear of conflict
– 34:09 – Do men feel overwhelmed purely out of fear, or are there other aspects at play?
– 34:35 – Defeating the feeling of being overwhelmed is impossible if a man is making himself out to be the victim or looking to play the “blame game”
– 35:30 – Men want to feel _free_
– 36:14 – A willingness to say “no” and endure temporary discomfort are key to finding what we truly want
– 37:18 – A man should not spend his life trying to carry 11 gallons of water in a 10 gallon bucket
– 37:29 – What Tripp tries to improve about himself
– 37:43 – Struggles to restrain himself from the “need to be doing more” feeling
– 39:00 – What can I do to make myself feel more _free_ today?
– 39:45 – The time is _now_; How can I create my day in the service of _now_
– 40:05 – The irony is in that today’s world of instant gratification, people will seek out everything _except _that which they _really _want
– 40:15 – It’s scary to have a blank canvas…it’s a lot easier to do what we are told
– 41:05 – Tripp’s morning routine
– 41:30 – The importance of _remembering_ who you are and what you have done
– 42:13 – Don’t get distracted by the shiny thing
– 42:50 – What Tripp offers in the way off services
– 44:28 – What are your _Top 3 Personal Tips for Being More Effective?_
– 44:49 – Have fun
– 44:51 – Know what you want
– 44:53 – Say “no”
– 45:09 – The power of “no” is one of the most difficult things to master because we are so_afraid_ of the conflict it may invite
– 45:49 – [TheNewManLife.com](http://thenewmanlife.com/)
**7 Key Points:**
- Continue to learn and continue to be coached.
- Men are frequently setting up their lives to avoid conflict at all costs…this is a mistake.
- Every man needs to identify where he is simply tolerating things.
- Dedicating oneself to the service of _now_ is key to achieving happiness and peace.
- Do not get distracted by the “shiny thing”, stay on-course
- Be willing to say “no” and endure the temporary discomfort that comes with it.
- Knowing when to say “no” is th — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/lessdoing/message